Day 9 / by Samantha Geballe

Today will be the day next week. I'm anxious but that's because I'm silently excited like I said yesterday. I feel embarrassed that I'm excited. With all the fear I've had and expressed, I'm scared to say that I'm actually looking forward to next Monday. 

Food was not as difficult today. It felt bearable and like I'll actually be able to do this. I wasn't starving the whole day. I wasn't concentrated on when the next thing I could have was. But, I still have a hard time driving alone when I'm hungry. I always try to rationalize stopping somewhere. I know that I can't. All this hard work for nothing. I don't want to lose what I've worked so hard for. Weight loss before surgery is crucial. If I can cut down my risk by sticking to this, fucking good. 

I made more work last night. The picture felt good. I'm rarely satisfied when I take a photo. In the editing process damning myself for not making more of an effort to better the scene. To check the camera more. Review and then change. More variation. I really felt like I was creating last night. That was a nice feeling. 

Today I FEEL better.