Day 8 / by Samantha Geballe

T-MINUS ONE WEEK UNTIL SURGERY. Sunday of next week, I will be pulling my hair out with anxiety for Monday. I am starting to get excited but also riddled with nervousness. I keep watching videos of what life is like post-op for others, and what I can eat...

I did a lot of self-portraits last night. I also captured a bit of footage of myself doing this. It felt good to work like that. To be productive and move myself forward regardless of feelings I may have. This is my life's work. I need to push through the uncomfortable and progress.

My vivid nightmares aren't as prevalent as they were a couple nights ago. Or at least, I'm not really remembering them. If that is the case, then who cares. I don't have to deal with that anxiety when I wake in the morning. 

The nightmares were consistently bad for awhile. You know in shows on makeovers and surgery how they prod the person with that liposuction tool? I always have to change the channel when they do that. It looks like they are separating the person from their skin. I had a nightmare that I was awake during surgery but could not speak. I felt everything. It was so real. I'm glad it wasn't real. 

Today I FEEL quietly excited.