Off by Samantha Geballe

I feel off. It's all I know what to say but I'm having an aversion to talking about it. I don't want to be bothered or for others to know I'm really struggling. I just feel pretty lame right now. I feel very lazy and like I said in another posting, I'm not doing enough. I really think it's true. I'm dreading therapy today. Maybe it's why I overslept. 

Today I FEEL anxious. 

IDK by Samantha Geballe

I feel like I'm not doing enough. I also feel really frustrated with shooting. Yeah, I guess it all goes back to the thought that I'm just not doing enough. It's like I have cat hair all over me and don't know how to get it off. It's always there. Well, I guess I usually always am covered in cat hair. Oh well. 

I feel this unspoken pressure all around me. I have a lot of anxiety regarding that. It really doesn't feel good to feel like I'm drowning. Drowning is a big fear of mine. It just seems so shitty to drown. It sounds extremely painful. I guess I just have a lot of fears at the moment. 

Today I FEEL anxious. 

Sick by Samantha Geballe

I have a cold. It started a few days ago. I haven't been sick in a long time so the feeling is weird. I'm nervous about the future. Some many things feel up in the air right now. Los Angeles feels temporary. I think that my life will be vastly different again a couple years from now. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Nothing I can really do to change it from happening. I guess that I need to just continue to put one foot in front of the other. More will be revealed. 

Class by Samantha Geballe

I started a new class yesterday. That makes for three total, but they don't all meet once a week. I believe that will all serve a different purpose for growth and I'm excited to be pushed to make work. It's really nice to be in an environment where people want you to succeed and give you constructive feedback on whether your "scene" is working or not. I find that these sounding boards are incredibly valuable to the growth of my photography. I realize that I can do this alone, but why not do it with encouraging, friendly faces that are rooting for you along this journey. 

Things are easier by Samantha Geballe

I did a vlog today. It was about how things are easier now. Daily tasks that I found hard before surgery are now a lot easier and or don't give me trouble anymore. I can sleep without having to worry about my CPAP machine. I can sit in a booth at a restaurant. Well, some of them. I don't have to take Zantac every night because I'm afraid of burping acid in my sleep. I can put on my socks and shoes now without a struggle. It's nice. I'm not so worried anymore. 

Today I FEEL ok.